Last night I saw the saddest little girl on earth.
She said she can’t sleep. She’s just wandering around like her soul was not even there… Searching for something.
I asked “What’s wrong, my dear?”
She answered “I can’t sleep”
I asked again “Yea, but why can’t you sleep? Come sleep next to me, I’ll sing you lullaby”
She said “No, I just want to play” Then she started to walking around the room with her eyes half closed and stopped on every corner, searching for something. But she can’t seem to find whatever she’s been looking for.
I approached her and said “Honey, let’s just go to sleep. Playing is for daylight. You’ll see that the sky is still dark and everybody’s sleeping. Of course you don’t want to miss all the fun in a sunny day because you’re too sleepy too play, do you?”
“But I just can’t sleep” I finally saw a huge desperation lying on her face. She was trying to hold something up. I’m guessing it’s her tears. That moment was really breaking my heart.
Why would a five years old girl trying her best not to cry and let her heart swollen by her own sadness, while the others would just simply cry it out loud and ask for more attention? I feel sorry that she has to deal with that kind of thing at her age. I can’t stand to see her dropped a single tear and tried to keep herself together at the same time like that. My heart cried, but I can’t show it to her. I have to be brave and I need her to know that. I’m all she’s got that night, there’s no one else.
I tried to hug her, but she refused. Then she laid her sleepy head on the wall and having her thoughts walking out of her body. God, please just let me do something to make her feel better. Anything! I tried to cheer her up again; “Hey girl, I got something for you” I pulled a tiny bunny that used to be my flash disk hanger out of my bag and gave it to her. I just bought it a few days ago, so I guess it still looks good. It worked; she slowly took it from my hand. “Let’s give it some name” I said to her. She agreed by nodding her head. “Let’s call her Tomo” She whispered. She still refused to lay her head on the pillow. But agreed to watch me making conversation with her new little friend. Slowly but sure, with a bunny telling a story about this and that for the rest of the night, she’s finally got to sleep. I smiled a bit, but at the same time I feel bitter. How could anyone let her feel this way? This is not the way a child would react if they are feeling insecure. This is something big… and deep.
The next morning, just like any other child, all of the sadness in her face has disappeared like nothing has ever happened that night. Or maybe she was just considering it as a nightmare. No more longing face, just a cheerful child with a comforting big smile. Oh God knows. But something huge must’ve really changed her. I don’t want to blame anybody. That won’t solve the problem. I don’t think I have enough power either. But I just wish I could help her. “Oh, I wish I knew what it was, dear”
To my dearest K,
I really hope that you’re feeling happy, no matter what happens.
I Love You, Dear…
