Better Together

There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving
Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

- Jack Johnson on Better Together -

One moment to go

these girls just know how to please me…
and the timing couldn’t be more perfect.
I am truly blessed to have them here in my heart.
for they have made a smile on my face,
in the most fearful moment of my life.
thank you guys ♥

Blissful thinking

Opening your 10 years old boxes that’s been hidden way too deep in your closet will always makes you smile. The same thing happens every time I opened my iTunes. I don’t know why but I always feel overwhelmed that I need to cry it out loud. This urges that came from my deepest heart. My very first love, my very first friends, those laughter, those capturing moments, those melodies that’s keeping me alive. Ooh all of those memories. Where’d it all go?

Running your old memories song feels like going on a field trip in your own video clip. Pieces through pieces, you will try stitch it out to make a very beautiful drama of your childhood stories.

And oh yes, this is my perfect moment. As I just accidentally played one of my precious hits, I found the real me coming back out of the black. And all of those pressures and tensions that I’ve been having for the past few days… will fade away just like that.

Yeah, a burst of bliss is what I sense right now. Just like what I’ve always had in about 10 years ago. No worries and no boundaries. No back stabbing and not even an overdosed whining. Hmmmphf… I don’t know why, but those last ones always slammed me back to the ground.

Oh well, don’t let that thing ruin my precious moment. I will just take a deep breath, close my eyes and pretend that I’m in my secret little heaven. Let me play in my own dream and let the reality slaps me back tomorrow. Tonight I just wanna have my own reunion and go finding my own nirvana. ☺

Gaining life

OK, I’m trying to be honest to myself here.

I’ve been running away from reality and yes indeed, it gets very exhausting.

So finally, I embrace myself to look at those horrific numbers in that square plated thing and I see a needle points at number 58. What the f***!!!?!! I gained like 8 kilos in (well, OK) 4 years! Oh dear God, I am that heavy, oh please help me!

I have pretty constant weights before and it always stays in 50. Sometimes it went to 48, or 52. But it didn’t put me much into trouble. I don’t really recall why I continue gaining weights ever since. But I do remember, it was in 2004, when I moved into my new house. It was quite a transition. I was working on my thesis, I got these cool dudes to hang out with, I could swim or exercise whenever I wanted to and I even could use the sauna. Let’s say I got overwhelmed with this situation. I exercised like, almost twice a week. And I enjoyed life to the max point. Next thing I know, I gained to 54 kilos. I said to myself “damn, did I just eat the elephant?” Maybe that time I let the food in, way too much than the way I let the food out. So, voila! You can guess what happened next.

And then, there comes the times that I became the unoccupied stressed-psycho college student. I was working on my thesis, I have no more classes and I have no jobs yet. So, go figure… I became this laziest girl, who woke up at nearly 11am every morning, ate all of the food that I thought was necessary to overcome my depression on working that thesis, slept throughout the day, or just simply sat comfortably on my chair and making love with the computer. No wonder my ass got the shape of that chair… sigh. At this point, my weights touches number 56. I tried to ignore it and assumed (in denial) that it will go back to normal somehow.

But then, there comes another stage of my life: The first time jobber. Nervous, Anxious, Stressed, Excited, thrilled, you name it! I’ve got all of those feelings surrounding me at the same time. The easiest emergency exit was, of course: eating. So, after a whole year of working, I finally said to myself that “this is going too far and I need to do something to stop it right away.” There, I said it loud and clear. It’s something that I should admit, so I can deal with it.

I think level 1 is completed.

So now, moving on to the next level.

The hardest part: losing weight.

Well, I guess I’ll let you know the progress soon.

Hope it (and it should) works!

Wish me luck! :D

The saddest little girl on earth

Last night I saw the saddest little girl on earth.

She said she can’t sleep. She’s just wandering around like her soul was not even there… Searching for something.

I asked “What’s wrong, my dear?”

She answered “I can’t sleep”

I asked again “Yea, but why can’t you sleep? Come sleep next to me, I’ll sing you lullaby”

She said “No, I just want to play” Then she started to walking around the room with her eyes half closed and stopped on every corner, searching for something. But she can’t seem to find whatever she’s been looking for.

I approached her and said “Honey, let’s just go to sleep. Playing is for daylight. You’ll see that the sky is still dark and everybody’s sleeping. Of course you don’t want to miss all the fun in a sunny day because you’re too sleepy too play, do you?”

“But I just can’t sleep” I finally saw a huge desperation lying on her face. She was trying to hold something up. I’m guessing it’s her tears. That moment was really breaking my heart.

Why would a five years old girl trying her best not to cry and let her heart swollen by her own sadness, while the others would just simply cry it out loud and ask for more attention? I feel sorry that she has to deal with that kind of thing at her age. I can’t stand to see her dropped a single tear and tried to keep herself together at the same time like that. My heart cried, but I can’t show it to her. I have to be brave and I need her to know that. I’m all she’s got that night, there’s no one else.

I tried to hug her, but she refused. Then she laid her sleepy head on the wall and having her thoughts walking out of her body. God, please just let me do something to make her feel better. Anything! I tried to cheer her up again; “Hey girl, I got something for you” I pulled a tiny bunny that used to be my flash disk hanger out of my bag and gave it to her. I just bought it a few days ago, so I guess it still looks good. It worked; she slowly took it from my hand. “Let’s give it some name” I said to her. She agreed by nodding her head. “Let’s call her Tomo” She whispered. She still refused to lay her head on the pillow. But agreed to watch me making conversation with her new little friend. Slowly but sure, with a bunny telling a story about this and that for the rest of the night, she’s finally got to sleep. I smiled a bit, but at the same time I feel bitter. How could anyone let her feel this way? This is not the way a child would react if they are feeling insecure. This is something big… and deep.

The next morning, just like any other child, all of the sadness in her face has disappeared like nothing has ever happened that night. Or maybe she was just considering it as a nightmare. No more longing face, just a cheerful child with a comforting big smile. Oh God knows. But something huge must’ve really changed her. I don’t want to blame anybody. That won’t solve the problem. I don’t think I have enough power either. But I just wish I could help her. “Oh, I wish I knew what it was, dear”

To my dearest K,

I really hope that you’re feeling happy, no matter what happens.

I Love You, Dear…

Digital Delivery from Hongkong

The good thing about working in advertising is, we’re not really spending our working hours to work. Sometimes you could catch us playing Nintendo wii, or even watching movies in cinema. You can’t really predict what will happen in the next seconds.

So for today’s unexpected menu, we grab the office’s projector, shoot it to the wall, turn off the lights, play some good music from iTunes and just play with the lighting.

Stupidity to the max.

Love it.

away from the city madness

this is my neverland
the place where i can show the real me without ever feeling insecure.
The laughter, the greenery, the boundless energy i felt inside
oh it’s irreplaceable
i wish i could stay here forever
away from the city madness…
please take me to another dream like this,
but don’t bother to wake me up this time…

'til the pain fades away

The ugly facts of uncensored life are finally shown in front of our face.

Of course we panicked and man, it was just the beginning.
Then we met a new friend named trouble
who keeps visiting us day and night.
We’re pretty sure that this is not puberty because we’ve passed that one, years ago.

And oh the storms are way much stronger and painful this time.
It’s like standing in an intersection, attacked from every direction.
It’s unbearable.
We wish that we could stop the time. Because we can’t hold it any longer and we know it will get even worse in the future.
But no, the time won’t stop ticking and we ran ourselves out of tears.
We finally accept our existence as a bunch of twenty something people.

This is another excruciating stage of life
that we need to pass in order to survive.
We have no choice but to enjoy that heartbreaking road.

But screw that, because tonight…

Tonight we will take a good laugh about ourselves and take a LOT of pictures

…’til the pain fades away ;)