My 'it' day

Just a bit reminder. Back when I was in kindergarten, I have always celebrated my birthday with a high temperature fever. My mum and sisters said I was too excited thinking about my birthday party, that I ended up getting myself overwhelmingly sick.

Thank God it only happened for a while. Years gone by pretty well with a less painful birthday. Too well until one day I decided that birthdays are boring, though presents never fails me ;).

But birthday will always be my favorite day, no matter what.

There are a lot of memorable favorite birthdays that I cherished:

• the fever one I mentioned before
• the one when I got a giant chocolate rabbit as a present from my uncle
• the one when my dad picked me up and treat me a dinner for two at HokBen
• the one when my boyfriend made me a dreamy candle light dinner complete with his homemade cooking spaghetti aglio olio
• the two days in a row birthday. First night was bbq-ing with high school sweethearts and the second was watching movie at flicker with college gals
• the one when my sister, my boyfriend and my good friends are filling my new room with birthday presents from ikea, ace and index

The last one that I least expected is this year.

The sticky birthday. The one with the cake all over my body, in the middle of the tv commercial shooting, in front of the laughing clients & colleagues and on my 25th birthday. There’s just no way I could ever forget it.

These moments are too precious. It always reminded me that my loved ones are always being nice to me through the years of my life.

I’m speechless…
i ♥ u guys :)

The party’s over

Hello! The sun is already shining
Wake up and slap your face
You are no longer live in a dreamland
Get rid all of those flowers and candies
The party’s over
Now let’s play with reality
Just swallow that bitterness
And get used to the color of grey
Don’t let your mind betray you
Life will never be fair anyway
I am me
And all that I’ve achieved,
should be well blessed.
Keep that in mind.
End of discussion.

Have you seen my passion?

I thought I left it somewhere
I’ve searched everywhere
But yet it could not be found
Have you seen my soul?
For months I lived in emptiness
Staring blankly at everything
Not knowing what is this all about
Anxiety
Has gotten all over me
Yes, I know this by heart
But no, I wouldn’t confess
For my greatest fear
is to be judged by you
I’m all pitched black
My eyes see nothing but haze
I’m still searching…
But the world wouldn’t understand
Clock won’t stop ticking
People will pass me by
And I am caged by my own fear

Just follow the light and have faith

What now?
What’s bothering you?
Why are you crying?
Have you had enough?
You can’t stand the pain?

I’m here,
I will listen
But I can’t change anything…
He’s the one who has the ball now
Make him do something
Or just go, my sister…

Your life worth more than this, you know…

Don’t blame it on him,
Don’t blame it on yourself
Don’t blame it on anybody
Just fix what you can fix
Then move on…

It’s time to make a change, my dear
There’s no limit out there
Don’t be scared
Be brave
Just follow the light and have faith

Only God knows what will happen…
The good things will eventually come at last
You just have to believe in yourself

Don’t just sit there like a doll, and whine…

:)

Sitting alone at the 2nd story of McD PI,
eating my McFlurry and catching my breath for a while.
Today has been a long day for me.

It’s kinda funny that I got the chance
to wander alone again.

I remember Singapore…
Only it’s a lot noisier and foggier here.
Wish I could have that moment again someday.

Soon I will be joining the creative team
Hope I will have the chance to wonder again
Just like the old days…

It’s all about me

You know what,
It’s not about the shirt.
It’s not about how you’ve always wrong no matter what.

It’s about me…
It’s about me start losing a status at where I go to work.
I don’t know who I am right now.
What I really should do and what is my first priority.
I really don’t know
Because I can’t do it both
It is too hard for me to do so.
I’ve already had a rough time most of the days
Everybody’s keep forcing me to do better and better
It’s frustrating me.
Because I know, I’m not that good

Maybe you know how it feels.

I need a getaway.
Need some time off to refresh my mind
I miss my family, never met them lately
I feel guilty and I don’t wanna be left alone
Because I need their support.
Otherwise I will explode.

I know you have good intentions for me
And I cherish that
But critics aren’t always easy to take.
I need to figure it out for a moment.
And that’s why I can’t communicate with you.
Because I’m trying to communicate with myself first.

You see,
It’s not about the shirt
Or about how you’ve always done wrong no matter what.
It’s about me.
And that’s why I need you here,
To support me too.

Not good enough or not belong?

I know I need to struggle a little bit harder for this job.
And I know, none of these works made me proud.
But one thing for sure,
I know that I’m not happy.

Despite of the good ambiance and all,
I’m so ready to take off from this job.
an Account Executive, a Client Service, or whatever you name it.

This is not my dream job.
I thought I can survive this.
But then I started to think, will this effort be worth it.

There is a thin line between not good enough or not belong

I’m not willing to take that risk.

Yep, I can say today is a cloudy day!
The city’s covered by the dark cloud most of the day.
And so is my heart.

Nothing left to say.
Buu Huu.

So this is how it feels

Entering my 5th day at my new office.

I’m beginning to handle client by myself. And suddenly, my days aren’t as brighter as it used to be.

Hhhmph…
I think I’ve had my first bang.
I’m having an enormous fear coming right through my head.

The fear of not being welcome,
The fear of not being correct,
The fear of not being nice,
The fear of not being proactive,
and to wrap it all:
The fear of not being competent in this office.

I hope it’s just a 1st timer syndrome.
Because if it’s not,
Then I guess I’m having a big problem here.

a blessing may come in a most unexpected ways

Today…

I sit in my new office, eating my granola bar I bought earlier, listening to si je t’avais ecoute from les nubians. A song that brings good energy and keeps me calm all morning. Viewing my new panorama of this suited office. Then looking back at me, trying to figure a way out of being an account executive: my new job.

Yep! an AE! The very occupation that I’ve never imagined I would do.

The offer just came to me like some kind of a sign.
There’s no application letter, there’s no interview, no negotiation. It just happened in a snap, and then here I am!

Unlike the other companies, I feel “good” with this one.
I have no worry and no hesitation to say yes, even if I work as an AE (not a copywriter).
I hope it’s a sign that I’ve been waiting for. And I hope I can grow here.
Love the atmosphere, love the creativity, love the people.

ps. My boyfriend is my co-worker now. Tee Hee…
Who could ever imagine something like that?

Wish me Luck!

Stutter Starter

Hhmpph

It’s been a year since my last posting. Had an issue of not having an internet connection in my house. So it’s a little bit complicated for me just to write my thoughts online continuously. Sigh. Too bad.

A lot of things have happened in the past few months.
My best friend Dian, already got married and expecting a baby girl within a month. Oh! And soon will be moving in to a house, not more than 20km/hour car speed away from my house!

I’ve already graduated last December (at last!) with an averageGPA.

Got an interview with Chuesenko. And (I think!) it was actually went well. But then got rejected in terms of salary.

And now, I am what Indonesian said “pengangguran”.
Sleep late, wake up late, watch DVD, play PC game or even doing nothing every single day. Fun? Oh I’m trying to enjoy every second of it! Because I know this is the last moment where people can do ridiculous things in life before they really got a real job.

Job?
I wish I’ve already have one.
If I knew finding a job would be this hard and frustrating, I would take Chuosenko even for a small deal. Someone said that everybody has to start somewhere. And I thought Chuosenko was a good start for me. I just couldn’t see clearly back then.

A few months passed away. The pressure from my closest ones, and from the industry it self, made me a little bit annoyed. While my family forces me to get any kind of job with a nice salary, my conscience said that I need to be a little picky to choose my future office and mentor. Because (I know) I’m still raw and need help to explore myself more.

The question is, what kind of company would hire a raw and clueless copywriter like me?
I’ve been dragged into the deepest and darkest hole of confidence, just in time when I needed it the most.

A big dilemma came to me a few days ago when my sister offers me a job in her office. Her office by the way, is a web design / animation kind of service and not an advertising agency. No intentions of disrespecting it, but I think I just don’t fit in there. This whole web thing is new for me. Sometimes I asked myself: if I should start something from zero, why web design instead of advertising?

Okay. Maybe I’ve made myself clear there. But where is my cue? How come I didn’t got any calls for interview? How much longer should I wait like this?
Or should I just take the web offer and try advertising afterward? You know, just to keep me alive from hunger for a moment…

God, I’m in a deep confusion.
The pressure’s got bigger everyday
My confidence’s still sinking

If I have to choose, what would it be…

To be an idealistic unemployment or to be a passionless employee?