Yep, I can say today is a cloudy day!
The city’s covered by the dark cloud most of the day.
And so is my heart.

Nothing left to say.
Buu Huu.

So this is how it feels

Entering my 5th day at my new office.

I’m beginning to handle client by myself. And suddenly, my days aren’t as brighter as it used to be.

Hhhmph…
I think I’ve had my first bang.
I’m having an enormous fear coming right through my head.

The fear of not being welcome,
The fear of not being correct,
The fear of not being nice,
The fear of not being proactive,
and to wrap it all:
The fear of not being competent in this office.

I hope it’s just a 1st timer syndrome.
Because if it’s not,
Then I guess I’m having a big problem here.

a blessing may come in a most unexpected ways

Today…

I sit in my new office, eating my granola bar I bought earlier, listening to si je t’avais ecoute from les nubians. A song that brings good energy and keeps me calm all morning. Viewing my new panorama of this suited office. Then looking back at me, trying to figure a way out of being an account executive: my new job.

Yep! an AE! The very occupation that I’ve never imagined I would do.

The offer just came to me like some kind of a sign.
There’s no application letter, there’s no interview, no negotiation. It just happened in a snap, and then here I am!

Unlike the other companies, I feel “good” with this one.
I have no worry and no hesitation to say yes, even if I work as an AE (not a copywriter).
I hope it’s a sign that I’ve been waiting for. And I hope I can grow here.
Love the atmosphere, love the creativity, love the people.

ps. My boyfriend is my co-worker now. Tee Hee…
Who could ever imagine something like that?

Wish me Luck!

Stutter Starter

Hhmpph

It’s been a year since my last posting. Had an issue of not having an internet connection in my house. So it’s a little bit complicated for me just to write my thoughts online continuously. Sigh. Too bad.

A lot of things have happened in the past few months.
My best friend Dian, already got married and expecting a baby girl within a month. Oh! And soon will be moving in to a house, not more than 20km/hour car speed away from my house!

I’ve already graduated last December (at last!) with an averageGPA.

Got an interview with Chuesenko. And (I think!) it was actually went well. But then got rejected in terms of salary.

And now, I am what Indonesian said “pengangguran”.
Sleep late, wake up late, watch DVD, play PC game or even doing nothing every single day. Fun? Oh I’m trying to enjoy every second of it! Because I know this is the last moment where people can do ridiculous things in life before they really got a real job.

Job?
I wish I’ve already have one.
If I knew finding a job would be this hard and frustrating, I would take Chuosenko even for a small deal. Someone said that everybody has to start somewhere. And I thought Chuosenko was a good start for me. I just couldn’t see clearly back then.

A few months passed away. The pressure from my closest ones, and from the industry it self, made me a little bit annoyed. While my family forces me to get any kind of job with a nice salary, my conscience said that I need to be a little picky to choose my future office and mentor. Because (I know) I’m still raw and need help to explore myself more.

The question is, what kind of company would hire a raw and clueless copywriter like me?
I’ve been dragged into the deepest and darkest hole of confidence, just in time when I needed it the most.

A big dilemma came to me a few days ago when my sister offers me a job in her office. Her office by the way, is a web design / animation kind of service and not an advertising agency. No intentions of disrespecting it, but I think I just don’t fit in there. This whole web thing is new for me. Sometimes I asked myself: if I should start something from zero, why web design instead of advertising?

Okay. Maybe I’ve made myself clear there. But where is my cue? How come I didn’t got any calls for interview? How much longer should I wait like this?
Or should I just take the web offer and try advertising afterward? You know, just to keep me alive from hunger for a moment…

God, I’m in a deep confusion.
The pressure’s got bigger everyday
My confidence’s still sinking

If I have to choose, what would it be…

To be an idealistic unemployment or to be a passionless employee?